god’s ghost


silently screaming for you

no answers

no movement


where did you go?

where you always a figment of my imagination?

has there never really been the sweet fellowship i clung to?

decades lived behind a facade

what was real turns out to be false

all the lies

all the promises

all broken now

where do i go from here?

what is there beyond a dead faith?

beyond a dead god?

if you are there then what kind of a god are you?

i lived a life of service for this?

as soon as i stop hearing you it all vanishes?

if you are real then you are dependent on me to do all the talking?

or is this a game of cat and mouse?

a divine chess game?

is this how you roll?

do i even want any part of a god like this?

if you really are not there

then what?

then who?

then how?

is there any solid ground to stand on?

am i to make up my own truth?

is truth relative?

is nothing absolute as I always thought?

how can i bear this madness?

i feel i am losing my mind

why have i been hurled into this place?

it is not for a lack of trying

not for a lack of self help

not for a lack of prayers

not for a lack of anything but the lack of you

i never gave up

never threw the towel in

but now here i am

and here you are not

i don’t know who i am anymore

i don’t know this place i am standing in

no familiar markers

no roads i’ve been down before

the ghost of you haunts me

who i thought you were

where i thought you were

i keep screaming yet no response

those silent screams meet yet more silence

the ears of my heart about to burst from the loud silence

could your silence get any more obscene?

{words to a silent god, 2015©}

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