i am here and i am there and i am everywhere at once

where i’ve been i am no longer yet i hang out there in my dreams

seeing time flying by as it swirls around me and memories pile up on one another

i breathe in the joys and i breathe in the pain all at once

they seem to love one another and require the other to survive

where i am headed i can only trust it to be towards freedom

i am beckoned over and over, naysayers try to pull me down violently and relentlessly

the silent ones that line the road of watchers prick my heart in a different deep way

i will keep going, fighting, releasing, hoping, searching, resting

truth will save me, freedom will be the home i find underneath it all

the tears are not my enemy, they come just as the smiles come and the deep belly laughs

they all come, i must welcome them all as a part of the circle that surrounds me

even as i push and pull and twist and turn the winds of freedom hurt my ears, i am close, so very close. i will keep listening and i will keep being a truth teller, it’s who i am

i will be misunderstood and i have to learn to embrace the stepping away

i define me not the others, and the moments come rushing at me with no way to slow them down, so i take it all in, i open my arms and i close them, i learn this new rhythm because it is my lifesong now. the flow, the fall, the heights, the caverns, it is all a part of freedom

one day i will discover there are others here too, the cast of light in slivers will land on their faces and i will with wide eyes say, you too huh? and here we’re together, truth seekers

so i am here and i am there and i am everywhere at once in this metamorphosis

this layering of me and accepting me for who i really am, this knowing that i can really do this, that it really is okay, it is allowed, it is all allowed, i can choose, i can breathe deep.

{words to a silent god, copr. 2015}

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