I want 

I want you to exist, to be real, not a mirage in the desert for a soul dry and parched, thirsting to death
I want you to not have broken apart, like a mirror I threw my grief at and it shattered into sharp and ugly pieces, jagged and rough
I want to find the ground again, I lost it when you bled and died and faded away
I want you to give me back the years, those decades given in blind allegiance to serve a supposed king of hearts who was leading the way to life upon life
I want to rescue her, to reach back through time and jerk open her eyes, tell her not to swallow the blame and shame, to not go down that straight and narrow path
I want to find the truth that is there, has always been there, underneath all the words, all the rules, in her, at the center of it all
I want the fog to clear, for the world between worlds, the land in the middle, the discomfort of the liminality, that waiting space, I want it to dissipate for life to come alive
I want you back again, or for the first time, to see the light in your eyes, to recognize you again and not know you only as a stranger, the stranger that is me
{Words to a Silent God, c. 2016}

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