outer symbol matching the inner angst.
when they connect with one another i am always a little bit jarred awake, as if i have been sleepwalking in my life and someone just shook my shoulders till i looked them in the eyes.
here it was, this physical representation of what i was going through internally.
labyrinth of the heart, tucked away off the road at the back of a park.
unexpected and beautiful.
i walked around and around, twisting and turning,
wondering when and if this was ever going to end.
it was small and large all at the same time.
difficult and easy, a combination of sensations.
exhilarating and monotonous all at once, like life often is.
where was this leading?
who would I be when I got to the end?
who am I as I take each step, ever-changing?
like a maze that goes where you think it does, and yet where you don’t
will the way out ever present itself or are you stuck here forever?
wandering, pondering, supposing, trying to figure it all out over and over again.
the road away from a supreme being to rule your life is a tricky one;
if only the inner life could be navigated so easily as this.
an external truth mirroring a horrific internal battle no one else could see but me.
some days on the walk i give up and sit down, no more progress to be had,
other days i limp, some days i stride confidently, everyday it takes courage.
i asked myself: who do you listen to now?
what do you put your trust in?
what can you actually depend on?
is anything really true anymore?
am i true?
am i trustworthy?
can i chart my own course?
can i believe myself?
will i listen to me?
has it really been me all along?
at the end of it all the arrows point back to me.
this is where the answer is, has always been.
i must show up for my own life, no one else will walk this road for me, nor could they,
it is mine and mine alone to traverse, no matter how much i bleed in the traveling.
me. i have circled around back to myself.
welcome home to yourself.